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01/09/2002 "Janet Reno, a Faux Pas, & Me"
Former U.S. Attorney General and candidate for Florida Governor Janet Reno delivered a speech last night in Coconut Creek at the Recreation Center auditorium. She attracted a crowd of about 150 people, of whom 95 percent were senior citizens. The audience looked like a collection of cotton balls - row after row of white hair. Security was surprisingly light; there were perhaps only four policemen and none came near me. I guess I was surprised after getting to second base with airport security last month on my trip home. I figured that the former head of all law enforment in the United States would rate higher security. Janet entered the auditorium 15 minutes late and with a handful of staffers. She lingered on a side aisle for a few minutes shaking hands and chatting with people who had hearing aids. I moved in to get my facetime, too. I waited patiently close by while a gang of short senior citizens mumbled about prescription drug prices up at her. I'd heard that she was tall, and she was: maybe six feet, maybe a little less. I noticed her hands then. One was clasped around a big black purse and the other fluttered at her side. The free hand she kept at her side was trembling and moving involuntarily like she was tapping to some irregular beat that only she could hear. I remembered hearing that she had Parkinson's disease, but had forgotten. She then looked up and moved to greet me. I smiled and shook her hand, the one that I had been watching. Janet still had a pretty good grip. I said it was a pleasure to meet her and asked if I could have my picture taken with her. Of course, she said, and handed her purse to a staffer. I moved closer to her as she moved closer to me. Michelle was ready with the camera and I hesitated for an immeasurably short moment while I wondered if I should put my arm around her or leave it at my side. My hand, though, was on automatic and was already moving up behind her. And that's when she moved and I touched Janet Reno's butt. My arm motion continued right on into picture-posing position as did she. The flash went off and I knew the picture was taken. I vaguely remember turning and thanking her and shaking her hand again and saying another pleasantry or two before she moved on toward the stage. But the entire time my mind had seized into a state of frozen horror. That one awful, embarrassing moment had shut down all other thought. I am grateful that I have the poise and personality to meet and greet on autopilot because I was mortified. Ohmygod - I touched Janet Reno's butt. My mind wouldn't let go of that. Stunned, I walked to my seat. Her speech was fine. She wasn't a strong speaker, but she knew how to pause for effect and punch certain ideas. I might summarize what she said in tomorrow's weblog entry, but for today I need to breathe deep and thank God the ATF didn't raid my house last night.
To quote Col. 'Bat' Guano from Dr. Strangelove: "Prevert!"
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