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Chocolate Discomposure

So I’m at work yesterday and I need to retrieve a pen out of my tote bag. I reach in and discover that a bag of M&Ms that I had stuck in there sometime previously has spilled out leaving little M&Ms all across the bottom beneath my iPod wires, pens, and miscellaneous scraps of paper. I do what any normal guy would do - I run my hand along the bottom and scoop them all up into a small handful and then throw them into my mouth. They’re M&Ms, after all, they don’t go bad.

While chewing and continuing to run my hand around inside my tote bag searching for my pen, the most awful taste floods my mouth. I’m surprised. The taste becomes overwhelmingly bitter and chalky, but with a teasing taste of chocolate. I realize that I must have scooped up several aspirin along with the M&Ms and now I’m chewing them. My face screws up into that distorted nasty, bad-taste face when my boss looks over and asks me if I’m alright, but I can’t answer because my mouth is full of M&Ms and aspirin. Desperate to wash it down, I quickly reach for my bottle of Mountain Dew sitting by my keyboard and take a huge gulp.

That’s when my mouth erupts in chocolate-colored foam. My boss, alarmed, cries out an “Oh my God” which causes everyone in nearby cubes to stand up just in time to see me stumbling about with a wild look in my eyes and foam escaping past my bulging cheeks. I make a mad dash to the bathroom where I rinse my mouth out for five minutes before returning to my desk trying to look dignified. I think there must also have been an Alka-Seltzer tablet in that handful-sized medley of M&Ms and aspirin. There’s a lesson in this somewhere.

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